Managing “Book Refusal” and Respecting Autonomy

The Heart-Sinking Moment of Book Refusal

If you know, you know. And if you don’t know yet, chances are there will be a time when you do. Not all shared reading experiences will be positive, no matter how much you prep. You may set up the perfect environment, have an amazing book, all the sensory supports in place, and a ready and waiting AAC system, and the learner may push the book away, close it immediately, and/or leave the environment completely. 

Before you start feeling like you have failed or that they “just don’t like reading”, I want you to pause, take a deep breath, and remember this. All of this refusal and rejection is a good thing! Refusal and protesting are forms of communication. When the learner says “no” to a book, they are practicing a very important communicative function – protesting – as well as their autonomy.

Keeping this in mind, remember that shared reading is all about connection, and how we respond to these moments of protest will determine whether we build a power struggle or a foundation of trust. 

Honor the “No” First (Building Safety)

The first and most important thing we can do as communication partners when learners refuse a book is to honor their “no”. If they push the book away or walk away, and we force them to come back and look at it, we are teaching them that their communication doesn’t matter. We need to build safety in communication so that they understand that no matter what they say, it will be heard and acknowledged, and the fastest way to do that is to honor their “no”. 

We can honor their “no” through explicitly acknowledging and naming their refusal, both verbally and on their AAC device, using an authentic, validating tone free of disappointment or scolding. For example: 

• “No”
• “Don’t want.”
• “Stop”
• “Put away”
• “Different book”
• A gestalt that the child may use verbally or through other media programmed into their AAC system. 

After acknowledging and naming their refusal, it is also important to follow through with the action that is paired with the modeling. If you are modeling “put away” or “different book”, put the book away or grab a different book. When you physically close the book after they communicate ‘all done,’ you are proving to them that their voice has real power

Investigate the “Why” behind the Refusal

After you have explicitly named and acknowledged their “no”, it is time to put on your detective hat and look for possible reasons that they may have refused the book and/or the shared reading interaction as a whole. As you try to determine a possible cause, think through the lenses that we have discussed in previous weeks, during our discussion of shared reading: 

• Is it a sensory mismatch? 
  • Too bright, too loud, or the wrong seating? 
  • Do they need a fidget or sensory item to keep their hands busy?
  • Are the illustrations in the book too overwhelming? 

• Is it a connection issue? 
  • Does the book lack personal interest?
  • Does reading feel too much like a test?

• Is it fatigue? 
  • Did they just spend all day masking at school?
  • Have they been working hard in a different therapy session?
  • Did they sleep well?

Keeping these things in mind may help find a way to adjust the environment, approach to shared reading, and/or the time of day that you attempt to engage in shared reading. However, keep in mind that there is a real possibility that you may never know why a learner refuses a book or shared reading experience. The most important thing is to honor their “no”, no matter what that looks like, and to keep trying to build a connection through shared reading, even if it doesn’t look like you thought it would. 

Alternative Paths to Literacy (When the book is closed)

The great news is that literacy is all around us, which means that even if the learner refuses the physical book, we still have loads of opportunities to offer literacy and build connections. For example: 

• Read the room: Model core words using environmental print, cereal boxes, or toy labels.
• Switch to storytelling: Close the book and verbally tell a story using props or silly voices, modeling on the device without the pressure of the physical pages.
• Change the media: Try an audiobook, a video version of a story, a read-aloud on YouTube, or looking at photos together.

Scripts to Try

Even when we know that refusal and protesting during shared reading is ok and should be expected, it can sometimes be hard to think of how to acknowledge and affirm their “no” in the moment. Here are some examples of phrases you can use or modify to fit your needs:

• “I see you closing the book. You’re telling me all done.”
• “You pushed it away. Let’s find something different.”
• “We can try later.”
• “You moved away, I think you are telling me ‘I don’t want to read’.”

Don’t forget that honoring an AAC user’s “no” is just as important as celebrating their “yes,” and providing opportunities for autonomy and honoring their boundaries is a huge part of neurodiversity-affirming care. My e-book is a great resource of ideas for setting up low-pressure, respectful literacy environments, if you are looking for more information on this topic.

Before you go, share in the comments: “How does your learner usually let you know they are done with a book or that they don’t want to read?”